Life of an Insomniac

Back in January when I had REALLY bad allergies and my medicines stopped working, my life got flipped upside down. My nights were absolutely awful. At about 9 or 10 my nose would clog up, completely up. Not one bit of air could make it through. Because of the severe congestion, I wasn't able to fall asleep until about 11 or 12 when one nostril would finally unclog. I would get 2 hours of sleep and then I'd wake up again to my nose being completely clogged. If I was able to sleep with my nose clogged, it was miserable because I would wake up after about 45 minutes with my mouth completely dry. I would have to drink lots of water, which, being pregnant, led to more wakings after only a little sleep because of my FULL bladder. It was a horrible cycle. Most nights though I couldn't fall back asleep until my nose unclogged, which generally wasn't until at least 2 hours had passed. I would get a few more hours of sleep and then my nose would clog up again at about 6. With having to wake Shelby up at 7, I usually was still awake with a clogged nose by that time. By morning, I would have only gotten about 4-5 hours of sleep or else if I had more sleep it was very restless sleep.

The first trimester is exhausting enough without adding horrible sleep to the mix. I would get Shelby ready, take her to school, come back and eat breakfast with Taylor and Payden, and by that time I was soooooo exhausted I would have to nap; of course that only occurred if my nose was unclogged. Basically my days were shot. I was exhausted, trying to nap, but usually unable. In the months of January and February, I was not able to function . . . at all. Each night I had to check to see that we had enough laundry for the next day's needs. I tried to keep the kitchen cleaned and the front rooms picked up, but even that was impossible. Anything beyond that was DEFINITELY impossible. I have never been more unable to function in my life. It was awful . . . REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY awful.

In March, my nose FINALLY stopped clogging up and I could breathe through the night. I was so excited. Finally, I started to be able to function a little bit, but it really was a little bit. Unfortunately, damage had been done. Although my nose was rarely a problem now, I had developed insomnia. I would try to go to sleep and be unable to fall asleep for a few hours. I would wake up in the early morning hours and be unable to fall asleep. Many times by the time I was able to get to sleep it was time to wake up to get Shelby and Tom off to school. Unfortunately, this is where I'm at today. I have many bad nights, and so I still have many days like those days in January and February. At least I do usually have a few days a week where I can function, but they are spent cleaning up after the bad days and even still I don't have tons of energy.

Along with the physical side-effects, insomnia also results in a little emotional problems. I often feel sad, have a hard time being patient, have a hard time controlling my emotions, snap at my family, have a hard time motivating myself, and there's probably more, but I just can't think right now. This has definitely been my hardest pregnancy and the hardest time physically in my life.

So there it is. Life is hard, but things are improving. I've definitely learned to take things a day at a time and accept what is realistically possible and be happy with it. I do feel bad for all the things I can't do and I don't do because I just can't, but I've learned to not let those things bring me down because I'm doing the best I can. At least I know my trials will only be for a time, and that at some point, they will end. I definitely look forward to that day.